Finding My Way

Sorry for the delay. I have not had a lot to post about music wise. I will post my latest review after this.

Something that I have learned is that no matter how comfortable you become in your relationship, there is always room for improvement. My wife and I get along really well 95% of the time. Sure there are things that we both need to work on. I have learned that I need to do a better job listening, communicating my plans and work on a number of smaller things. The other thing that I have really learned is that I am a pleaser. The other night I was trying to help my wife out and offered to go to the store for her so that she would not have to go after work. I am not sure if it is because of the cold weather in the south but buying fruit was insanely expensive. I wanted to please my wife so I swallowed hard and paid the inflated prices.

Here is where the problem lies, the entire time I was thinking to myself that I was being ridiculous for paying so much. Unfortunately everything blew up in my face when I returned home. This happened for 2 reasons. First, I more or less insisted upon going to the store to help out. Second, I showed a complete lack of commonsense by overpaying because I thought I would make my wife happy. I was illustrating the two things I listed above that I need to work on. Not only did I not listen to her very well but I also tried to please her with things she did not want.

2 big strikes and the third one came when we argued. I am a terrible arguer. Too many movies characterize men as callous bastards when it comes to arguing. I on the other hand am super emotional. I feel like fights with my wife always end with me in tears. The issue is I am fatalistic. My mind runs wild. I cannot stop it. It gets itself into a frenzy over what the future of my marriage will hold and the type of person I have become. There is way too much going on. If a 6 dollar bag of grapes. poor decision I know, is going to be the demise of my marriage, then I am in trouble.

Am I the only one who does this? I need to learn to take my foot off the gas and let my mind slow down a bit. Then I can focus on the issue that has presented itself. Sometimes it is not necessary to connect all of the dots. The thing that I have learned in the early years of my marriage is that you can always change and improve yourself. My problem is that I have become complacent and have not put the time into changing the things that I need to change. As long as there is always that fire inside my body to want more, I will be fine.

Sorry for the long post. I am not sure where it went but I needed to vent a bit.