Lesson Learned

The older I get the more I am humbled by how truly little I know. I do not mean this as a negative connotation. It simply amazes me how much I learn about myself on a given day. Think about it. How well do you honestly know yourself? Most would say they know themselves pretty well. Still, I bet there are times when you surprise yourself for better and worse.

Before I go further with this, I want to say that my wife and I do not fight very often. I know I write about it from time to time and if you read my posts you might assume we fight all the time. We do not, I just tend to write about the cloudy days rather than the sunny ones. The sunny ones are not as easy to write about because they are perfect so there is so little need to say anything.

Lately, I have been dealing with some internal conflict, it has spilled over a bit to my outside relationships. My struggle stems from things in the past that continue to haunt me. Everyone has things from their past that they are not proud to admit. I cannot seem to put these things behind me. It as if I enjoy tormenting myself. I used to be able to move forward and for the past few months I am stuck on the same ghosts. They keep me up at night. I cannot completely shake them from my thoughts. I was looking over some old stuff I wrote and I came accross a list of life lessons. One of them were lyrics from the Pearl Jam song Present Tense. The lyrics say something to point of that you can spend your life alone revaluating past regrets or you can forgive yourself move forward and live in the present tense. I have been living too much in the past and trying to fix my old mistakes. Nothing I say or do can change what I did in the past. The only way I can make things right is to learn from my past mistakes and move on. I am writing this post because I am finally ready to release my demons and have come to terms with them. They do me no good cooped up inside my head. It feels good to be back.

I am greatful to have such an understanding wife.