Assignment

So I recently started doing some freelance writing for the major newspaper in town. Nothing big just album and show reviews. Still, I am really stoked about it and it is an awesome opportunity. It is kind of funny though because when I wrote for different music sites people did not seem to make as much of a stink. What really caught me off guard was my dad sent me a copy of a cd of one of his friend's band's. He had told the friend that I did reviews and the guy wanted me to check it out. This is a total trap. Before listening to the album I knew that this was trouble.

I listened to the album for the first time today and I could not make it through song six. I do not think I made it through a full track. The song writing was cliched to the point where I found myself singing the next word well before the lead singer did. Well now I am trapped. My biggest hope is that I am not asked what I thought. It is not very good but I still do not want to be rude to a family friend. One of my friend's suggested publishing a really scathing review, just to send a message. I am not going to do that but the musical snob side of me agrees. If I were to write a good review for this album, I could basically guarantee that I would not be allowed to review even the local childrens choir (who I am sure is quite good).

Instead I will not give a truthful opinion, I will deflect. There will be a time and place for me to tell the truth about my thoughts on the album but now is not it. I should be able to buy myself a little time. My dad does not live in the same city as me and is easily distracted by sports talk. Now my job is to think of natural transitions from music to sports. Baseball is coming and should provide me plenty of ammunition.

The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang

Looks like the release date for the new the Gaslight Anthem’s album American Slang is June 15th. They have also put a track list and the first single American Slang on their Myspace page. Check it out. These guys are fantastic.

Gaslight Anthem Myspace

Industrialize This

I have been reading the book "The Omnivores Dilemma." It did not hit me over the head how much that book had changed my point of view until I was in Target last night. No wonder our society is so unhealthy, soda, chips and other snacks have entire aisles dedicated to them. Try and find some fruits or vegetables and you are dealing with an area that is barely the size of a quarter of an isle. I am really sick of hearing the talking heads (not the band) go on and on about the poor food choices people are making. You go into a standard grocery store and make some reasonable choices. Since food companies are allowed to use additives that have no nutritional value when processing food, it should be no surprise that people are not getting proper nutrition.

I do not let individuals off the hook here. It is everyone's responsibility to make good choices. What do you do if you live below the poverty line and it is cheaper to buy low grade meat and additive laced snacks than it is to buy fruits and vegetables? I simply wish large food corporations would hold themselves to a higher standard. There is absolutely no reason why higher quality food cannot be produced.

-End Rant-

Meant to Be

My entire life I have been preached to about the importance of finding what it is I am meant to do. Truth be told, I turn 29 in a week and I am undecided. I would rather take take the physical challenge than try to answer this question. There are a lot of things I am passionate about, education, nutrition, gardening, music but passion and meaning are to completely different things. Take for example education. I am passionate about every kid having an equal opportunity for the best educational experience availible but I am not meant to be a teacher. My wife is a teacher. I love her school stories but there is no way that I could deal with kids all day.

Right now, I am on the track of rather than finding what I am meant to do, finding something I am good at that I is satisfying enough. Many have told me it sounds like I am happy settling. This is not true, settling would be working in a job you hate for your entire career and never attempting to make a change. I just stating that it is okay to find something that you somewhat enjoy to do. It does not have to be the perfect gig but if it gets you by then why not. I am confident that one day I will be in my meant to be job. I simply wish teachers would not make it sound like you are falling behind if you do not have everything figured out right away.

Lesson Learned

The older I get the more I am humbled by how truly little I know. I do not mean this as a negative connotation. It simply amazes me how much I learn about myself on a given day. Think about it. How well do you honestly know yourself? Most would say they know themselves pretty well. Still, I bet there are times when you surprise yourself for better and worse.

Before I go further with this, I want to say that my wife and I do not fight very often. I know I write about it from time to time and if you read my posts you might assume we fight all the time. We do not, I just tend to write about the cloudy days rather than the sunny ones. The sunny ones are not as easy to write about because they are perfect so there is so little need to say anything.

Lately, I have been dealing with some internal conflict, it has spilled over a bit to my outside relationships. My struggle stems from things in the past that continue to haunt me. Everyone has things from their past that they are not proud to admit. I cannot seem to put these things behind me. It as if I enjoy tormenting myself. I used to be able to move forward and for the past few months I am stuck on the same ghosts. They keep me up at night. I cannot completely shake them from my thoughts. I was looking over some old stuff I wrote and I came accross a list of life lessons. One of them were lyrics from the Pearl Jam song Present Tense. The lyrics say something to point of that you can spend your life alone revaluating past regrets or you can forgive yourself move forward and live in the present tense. I have been living too much in the past and trying to fix my old mistakes. Nothing I say or do can change what I did in the past. The only way I can make things right is to learn from my past mistakes and move on. I am writing this post because I am finally ready to release my demons and have come to terms with them. They do me no good cooped up inside my head. It feels good to be back.

I am greatful to have such an understanding wife.

Learning to Keep My Mouth Shut

When will it stop? My mouth always finds a way to get me into trouble. It is my double-edged sword. It makes me charismatic but also gets me into heap loads of trouble by the way it says the worst things possible with impeccable timing. Does anyone else have to deal with this? I am just ready to grow up and grow out of saying foolish things. Sorry if this reads like a pity party. I do not deserve any pity for I am in control of my mouth. What I really deserve is a good whack to my coconut.

I just wish I had a better understanding of why I say the things I do. My too biggest issues are that I like to talk quite a bit and I over-analyze everything. The sad thing is I mean everything. If I could just put my head on auto pilot sometimes I think things would go better. The horoscopes and my friends keep saying this is going to be my year. I do not need this to be my year. As long as I can keep my mouth in check, I am satisfied.

Any advice?

Slow Down

I spent sometime away this weekend. To be completely truthful, I was in the Bahamas for a wedding. It was really good to be away. The best part was that since I was out of the country my cell phone did not work. It gave me the opportunity to truly disconnect and slow down and focus a bit on the things that have been running around my head. This was also a fantastic weekend because I learned a lot. For my time away with my wife and her family I am very grateful. It is in those moments when everything slows down that I seem to find myself again. I am not sure if that makes sense but when I have a lot going on, I tend to focus on quantity rather that quality. I spend my time completing many things but not taking the time to complete them well.

Has it ever happened to you when you go and go and go for what it seems like to be a month and then things slow down and you think where the hell have I been the past month? I get that and need to find a better way to balance. I do not have the cash to travel out of the country every time I get overwhelmed. It is weird. I feel like the past couple of years have been like this. A lot has changed and I have had some huge things going on and now I wonder where the hell did the past 2 years go. I realize that my upcoming 29th birthday has me being pensive but I look around at my friends from 4 years ago and it seems like everything has changed. My social circle has shrunk and changed. I know that this is apart of life, it is just strange.

When I look through my address book in my phone or email it is as if I see ghosts. I still have a lot of people's contact information but know nothing anything else about them as we have not spoken in years. It is funny how these things sneak up on you. I wonder what my social circle will look like in another 4 years.